It Matters To That One

The Legend of the Starfish
A vacationing businessman was walking along a beach when he saw a young boy.
Along the shore were many starfish that had been washed up by the tide and were sure to die before the tide returned.
The boy walked slowly along the shore and occasionally reached down and tossed the beached starfish back into the ocean.
The businessman, hoping to teach the boy a little lesson in common sense, walked up to the boy and said, “I have been watching what you are doing, son. You have a good heart, and I know you mean well, but do you realize how many beaches there are around here and how many starfish are dying on every beach every day. Surely such an industrious and kind hearted boy such as yourself could find something better to do with your time. Do you really think that what you are doing is going to make a difference?”
The boy looked up at the man, and then he looked down at a starfish by his feet. He picked up the starfish, and as he gently tossed it back into the ocean, he said, “It makes a difference to that one”.
-Author Unknown

In preparation for our trip to Uganda I have been reading lots of information about the country. I recently finished a book entitled Kisses from Katie. It is about a young women who ends up living and serving in Uganda as well as adopting fourteen children. It is an amazing story and I highly recommend it.

Kisses from Katie strongly resonated with me and the “Legend of the Starfish” has also helped to clarify some of the thoughts and feelings that I have been experiencing  recently. Here is a young woman in an indescribably impoverished nation surrounded by death, disease, and war. Yet she helps one person at a time and by doing so has changed a community just as the little boy continued to save individual starfish even though another one would wash up onto the beach and take its place.

Sadly, I have been acting like the businessman.  I feel so suffocated by the brokenness in this world: death, disease, war, hunger, and a myriad other problems too complex to even begin to unravel I have felt like I am sinking. I have begun to feel quite apathetic and wonder at times why I should even bother to try to make this world a better place at all. I have been reminded why I am to keep trying.

 While I may not be super human and I may not be able to save humanity from itself I can try to save just one. It is enough. And to that one it matters.

Musings…

Today has been one of those days that I have had multiple, varied thoughts traipse through my head in such a manner as to leave me feeling muddled. You might think that my over committed schedule is fueling this state and admittedly it probably is. My thoughts have been as varied as what I am making for dinner tomorrow to contemplating the failings of humanity as a whole and of myself in particular.

Nothing is really bad. To be honest things are quite well if a bit busy (the geeklets have a performance in two weeks plus I am helping organize a fundraising auction along with everyday housework/homeschooling). The past couple of months have be roughish in general. Besides the anniversaries of our daughter passing plus her birthday we have experienced a few other events. First we had to put the dog down(that is a post unto itself), looking into making the repairs necessary to sell the house (painting, flooring) which has its own emotional baggage, plus getting ready to take a big leap into the unknown and head to Africa to visit/serve at an orphanage we have been supporting for 2/3 years now (more on that in future posts), toss in a few minor health issues and lets just say some days I ran around the house yelling, “I quit!”

Not to say there have not been successes either. I mean my darling husband received a raise and promotion, I completed a couple a couple of fitness goals (running the Shamrock, dropping to 150lb), and there have been other various small victories(think organization + Ikea).

Obviously all of this is contributing to my morose and muddled outlook. But more so I feel I am at a changing point in my life. Changing what I do not know but definitely switching stages. Nothing age related but more life related. I feel a sense of disconnectedness. Like somebody turned off the lights suddenly and I am stumbling around blindly in the dark. I know something needs to/is going to change but am a loss as to what. It will be interesting to see what the next several months hold. All I can do is hang on an try to enjoy the ride.

Can I Call Myself A Runner Yet?

I am really excited and somewhat nervous as I will be registering for my first run within the next month. I am planning to register to run the Shamrock Run on March 18, 2012. There are three lengths to choose from and my trainer and I decided that the 8k (approx. 5 miles) would be a suitable beginning run. Not too challenging and not too mild (I run a 3k loop regularly). We decided to go for a combo speed/endurance run. Had I chosen to run the 5k it would have been for speed and since I am dragging encouraging my darling husband to join me I would like to run with him. In fact we are making it a family affair and the geeklets will be running with us. Besides, by having them run with us it gives darling hubby an excuse to slow down without looking bad =P

And yes I did say trainer. It sounds so snotty to say but seeing as I have no clue what I am doing and the information available is so vast and varied I figured that I would utilize the services of someone more experienced for now. To be honest she is an absolute doll and I am getting more excited and less nervous with each passing week. She has even appealed to my neurotic tendencies and created a 17 week running plan that I can print off, take notes on, color code, etc. Plus she has given me several recommended resources to peruse, note questions and then ask her about them. Bonus point – she likes partial payment in cookies :0)

Despite my increased milage I am still hesitant to embrace the moniker runner as I still find it an arduous activity that I must gird my loins to do so to speak. I am quite proud when I have finished my run but sometimes the pep talks I have to give myself to get myself out the door (literally…running outside is cold and wet right now) amaze me. That being said I do find it more enjoyable now than I did when I started running. When I started running it was purely for losing weight and was done inside on a treadmill so that no one could see my fat jiggle along or the lard sweat run off my face in grotesque rivulets.

Now while I still have some weight to lose, I sweat (and jiggle) less, my stamina is greatly improved, no asthma symptoms to speak of, and most importantly I enjoy the exacting nature and solitude of the run more. The ability to push ones body past its last reserves and accomplish a specific mileage or time goal possesses its own rewards. I also find that running outside in general tends to be more of a challenge due to the myriad variables that I cannot control but must embrace. Of course I decide to start running outside not when the weather is pleasant but when the temperatures plummet, the rain pours, and when it seems as if even the most die hard runners are hitting the treadmill to avoid battling the elements. That being said I too will hit the treadmill instead of enduring a soaking but seeing as how I won’t get to control the weather the day of the run anyway I might as well attempt to climatize now :0)